Are You Smokn?

I’m talking about burning tobacco and intentionally sucking the poisons into your lungs.

When I was thirteen the whole smoking cigarettes thing was something all the men in my family did, and at that young age I thought that’s what “Men” did. Wanting to hurry up and become a man like my dad, uncles and grandfather were, I would steal cigarettes out of my mom’s or dad’s open pack. Just one or two occasionally, didn’t want to get caught, I knew what the consequences would be.

            I didn’t understand why it was OK for them to smoke and not for me. I remember trying to learn how to inhale like the grown ups did, and how dizzy and nauseous that smoke made me. If I had been thinking even a little bit once or twice would have been enough, but oh no……..I kept working at it and before long I was able to inhale with out choking. Wow what a mile stone. Never even thought about addiction or any other health consequences. What thirteen year old does?

            Doesn’t seem like it was long before I was smoking a pack a day. That was too many to take unnoticed from my parents open packs, so my paper route money sure came in handy. Even then no one would sell tobacco to kids. Tried the note from my parents thing at a couple of neighborhood stores, but I couldn’t do that every day. It turned out to be easier to steal those nasty little coffin nails. If they wouldn’t sell them to me what choice did I have? So now I’m shop lifting to support an addiction I didn’t even know I had.

            By the time I turned fifteen I had found several gas stations who didn’t care how old or young I was. My consumption was up to over a pack a day. I was so cool and so sophisticated carrying my cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of my tee shirt. Even though I couldn’t breathe well enough to play the sports I wanted to, it still never dawned on me what a problem smoking had become. My best friend came in these colorful little packages in bunches of twenty. Movie stars smoked, teachers smoked, even my doctor smoked. How bad could it be?

            It wasn’t until I turned twenty five before I started questioning the wisdom of smoking. By then I was up to two or, on a good day, three packs a day. Looking back now I wonder how I had the time to smoke sixty cigarettes a day. Hmmmmm let’s see seven minutes a cigarettes times sixty equals……. Oh M’God. That’s seven hours a day with my best friend. Who just happens to be killing me. No thinking going on here, only out of control addiction. The reality of the addiction finally came home to me the first time I tried to quit. I made it about a day and a half with a severe headache, nausea and all jittery. Boy was that next cigarette ever a life saver, it felt so calming and warm and friendly. Yummmm. It took about a month to psych myself up for a second try.

            I wish I had a recording of all the inner talking going on at the time. Promises, bargains, deals being made to make sure it would work this time. The second quitting was just like the first except it didn’t hurt as much since I kinda knew what to expect. Made it about two days that time.

            Over the next ten years I quit over a dozen times with little success. People ask me if I used hypnosis to finally quit. I’m embarrassed to say, I was too macho, weighted down by a huge ego at the time to seek out any help. ”I can do this myself, I can beat this addiction, I don’t need no stinking help.”

I finally made up my mind; “One way or another I’m going to beat this.” When I finally did quit it happened over a two month period. I changed my entire life around, every trigger I was aware of was eliminated from my life. Coffee had to go, beer had to go, stopping at the bar with friends after work had to go, Changed my diet to all organic mostly vegetarian. Started buying weaker and weaker cigarettes. Leaving my old friend, Camels regular unfiltered behind. Finally got down to those cigarettes with air holes punched ahead of the filter, so less smoke was coming in with each puff. I knew I had it beat when during the intermission of a movie I decided it wasn’t worth it to go out in the lobby for a smoke. WOW!! Free, Free at last. Never smoked after that evening even with nearly a carton setting on top of the refrigerator for two years.

However I did have night mares that I had started smoking again. Those continued for about eighteen months after quitting. I know the old addiction is still there; quiet and undemanding after thirty years but still there. Sometimes I hallucinate the taste of smoking but I never want to light up again.

Quitting smoking is the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life and I’m very proud of me for sticking with it. Don’t go about quitting the way I did. Get some help to accelerate and ease the process of becoming a non-smoker again. Whatever it takes it is worth it, you are worth it. Do you want help quitting? Give me a call.

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